The anti-social, and/or introverted mom: the one who does pretty much everything for the kiddos with a grimace and unspoken wish for each event to end as quickly as humanly possible. Relate? Yeah, me too. I am that mom. And I struggle every day with feeling like I’m somehow letting my children down by not being a more outgoing and “friendly” example for them.
It’s not that I’m rude or unfriendly to others in social settings – I’m not – it’s just that I would much rather avoid them at all costs than be forced to interact with them at all. Why? Well, if I knew the answer to that, I’d probably be able to save a ton on therapy bills and anxiety meds, but the fact is, it’s just a part of life for me.
It could be that I feel completely out of place in social settings of any kind, or that I never seem to be able to come up with witty (or even remotely appropriate) responses when I’m in the moment, talking with other moms. Or anyone for that matter, now that I think about it. My conversation skills in the moment have a tendency to be embarrassingly awkward, and I have no idea why. It’s probably why I’m a writer who majored in English, and NOT speech or public speaking – but it’s proof-positive that I’ve been like this for a long time. Well-before becoming a mother.
It’s also the same reason I prefer texting over phone calls. It’s like my brain needs extra moments to comprehend what others are saying and give a meaningful response of any kind. Those moms you see cheerfully gossiping along the fence while they wait for their kids to be let out of school? Yeah, that’s not me. I’m the mom sitting in her car – still running in order to make the fastest getaway possible – windows up, radio on, face buried in a book or my phone so as not to make eye-contact with any other moms and inadvertently make them think I want them to come talk to me.
My husband, on the other hand, is dead opposite. He’s the social butterfly of the group who can’t wait to laugh and chat with other parents at every opportunity. It kind of puts a dent in my efforts to avoid the other parents at school events. Sometimes I really hate him, but that’s a whole different topic entirely. In general, however, I envy him that he is so in his element in a crowd and can make new friends like it’s his job. I really wish I could be like that some days (most days) because those kinds of people really seem to have the best luck with opportunities (hello networking and all) and that’s something I want my kids to mimic. Not the mom who hides in the car.
Out of guilt, I do all things required for participation as far as being a mom of school-aged kids go. Our kids are involved in the community and have participated in everything from soccer to cheer, drama club to dance class – and I’ve been there for every practice, game, production and recital – with bells on. But not because I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super proud of my children and I love seeing them do their thing and will forever support their every interest and whim, but I’ve participated out of guilt more than anything else. Yes, guilt.
When everything inside of me is dreading the inevitable small-talk with other parents as I sit in the stands for another soccer game or prepare for the end of the year recital with dress rehearsals and pre-show activities, I feel guilty. I shouldn’t dread supporting my kids, but I do. Not that I dread supporting them, but I dread the situation I have to endure in order to be present in their lives outside of our house. I dread the other people who will be there doing the same thing.
I dread the small talk. Actually, I can’t stand small talk. It’s more than just completely sucking at it (which I do), but it has always felt so fake to me. I despise having to pretend like I really give a shit about the weather or the petty bullshit “that mom” feels is going on in class this year. I don’t want to hear anyone’s life story or intimate details about how long they were in labor, nor do I want to hear “mom gossip” about other moms in the drop off line. Considering how little I participate in the social aspect of parenthood, you’d be surprised the kind of things some parents feel are appropriate to share with otherwise total strangers during social events for kids. Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised – I’m really hoping I’m not the only one on the planet this happens to, but I realize I’m not exactly “normal” here, so I wouldn’t be surprised either way.
The truth is, I avoid social activities like the plague anymore because I can’t handle the insanity that’s out there. Truly. My own personal hell is being trapped in a conversation with another mom (I just met) for a 45-minute-long soccer practice – about every embarrassing thing that happened to her body during her pregnancy. It happened. Not that I’m against being real about mom-hood – totally get it, I do. It’s terrifying and traumatic – and that’s just before dawn. But it’s also not something you just drop on the next adult human standing next to you. I dread every time I walk into any school function waiting area, spectator setting or dance class lobby anymore out of fear for what the next mom is going to share.
Maybe it’s terrible of me to say, but I hate those conversations because I hate being fake and pretending to be interested in the completely inappropriate details so many people want to share with basically complete strangers. Seriously, come on. I am not judging these situations in the slightest – every mom goes through shit in one way or another – and every mom needs that friend to vent to. I get it – totally. As anti-social as I am, I do have my circle of friends to confide in. I just don’t like the sharing of so much… well… shit, for lack of a better word – with people we barely know. Just because our kids go to school together doesn’t mean I want to hear all about how much you hate your husband, Gina. For realsies. Call your bestie and vent that shit. Not the random mom sitting next to you just hoping to pick up her kid from school in peace.
Momma Juice 
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