No matter how hard we try as mothers, the June Cleaver myth will always remain just that – a myth. It’s in large part because of this ridiculous standard that the “bad mom” has evolved in the first place. Why? Living up to impossible standards has a habit of bringing out the “worst” in people.
In her article, “I’m a ‘Bad Mom’ – but there aren’t really any ‘good’ ones”, posted on NBC, Carolyn Castiglia reminds us just how insane this “June Cleaver-esque expectation” is: “we’re still fighting the June Cleaver-esque expectation that mothers exist as completely selfless, sexless beings who live to clean and cook. (Until our partners want to have sex, that is, then we have to be filthy little animals… who are left to clean up that mess at the end, too.)”
Moms are expected to keep shit clean on every level. Don’t let the clutter pile for more than a few minutes. Don’t let the dishes sit too long. Don’t let the closets be unorganized or the pantry left anything but pristine. There are literally millions of marketing ploys used to lure you into the OCD world of organization and labels to keep the myth alive. Don’t believe me? Take a walk through Bed Bath and Beyond or surf the Pinterest moms section for a bit. We’ll send a search party for you after an hour.
“Websites like Pinterest fuel this throwback lore, with photos of annoyingly creative and pristine homes, their kitchens showcasing jars of homemade jam stacked in an ombre berry pyramid, fading from black to blue to rasp to straw. Every woman understands, implicitly and explicitly, this is the kind of Zen domestic shrine she’s supposed to magically manifest, but a “bad mom” doesn’t care. A bad mom leaves clean dishes on the counter overnight,” she says. Bam. This chick is my spirit mom-friend. For realsies.
The “bad mom” movement has been gaining momentum in recent months, in large part due to social media and moms sharing notes. It’s like an underground sorority of naughty evil-doers who share stories of leaving laundry unfolded for days, toys kicked to the edges of the room instead of put away, and serving kids cold cereal for dinner when dad works late. Gasp. Can you believe it? The nerve.
According to Carolyn, leaving clutter unattended for an unsightly length of time is the ultimate mom faux pas that is sure to land you squarely in the bad moms club. Carolyn breaks it down for us all: “Allowing mess to remain completely unresolved is the ultimate bad mom move. Worse than getting sloshed until you have to liquid-poo at 3 am in the middle of a Walmart parking lot. It’s worse than forgetting that your kid had a half day at school, forcing them to sit in the office for an hour (with nothing but the 30 non-educational games you allowed them to download on their cell phone to keep them occupied) while they wait for you to come pick them up.” It’s bad. That bad. Don’t you dare ignore that clutter, you hellacious sinner, you. The worst mom. Ever.
The judgmental world has created an entire industry dedicated solely to keeping your house compartmentalized, sterilized, OCD approved organized, and clutter-free sanitized. There’s no excuse. Shame, moms, shame. “Did you know that if you leave a pile of clutter in your home for over a year, the cast of ‘Law & Order: SUV’ (Slovenly Unclean Vice) locks you in The Container Store overnight to think about what you haven’t done?” that’s per Carolyn – true shit. Though honestly, it’s not funny – moms seriously feel this way about their supposed lack of cleanliness and the standards they should be living up to.
The “bad moms” revelation has come about because of the unrealistic standards and expectations that are placed on moms to be “good.” What happens when you give someone impossible standards? They fail. They become bad – so bad. How do you overcome the stereotypes and labels? You embrace them.
Moms of the bad moms revelation haven’t suddenly become bad parents. They (we) have always been amazing moms every single day – we’re just rewriting the standards placed upon us. “I’m so bad, when ‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson plays, and he asks, ‘Who’s bad?’ I know he’s talking about me. SO BAD.” We feel you, Carolyn.
Bad moms of the world leave laundry to pile. For weeks. And when it’s done, it’s left unfolded in the basket after taking 3 or 4 tumbles in a restarted dryer. That’s if it makes it out of the dryer. Why? Because, well, kids. That’s why. And husbands. Did you know husbands were physically incapable of folding clothes? It’s something only moms know how to do. Get your shit together modern-day June Cleaver. Stop having fun with your other chores and get it done already.
“I’m such a bad mom, I’ve actually left dirty dishes in the sink for up to three days and allowed laundry to accumulate for two whole weeks… before taking it to the laundromat, washing every piece strictly according to the instructions on each tag, and air drying anything that might shrink before folding it all like sushi the Marie Kondo way. Disgusting, I know,” Carolyn says. It’s so true. Why do we do that? If you have to ask why, you’re not a mom and you probably wouldn’t get it if we tried to explain anyway.
Did you know moms are also supposed to open the mail – like, daily? Do people really do that? Pay bills on a regular daily basis? I’m pretty sure everyone stockpiles that shit for a month (give or take) and then has a meltdown for a day while everything gets paid at once, right? “I owed Lane Bryant $167 last month, but I only paid them $27. Suck on that, good moms. I’m a bad mom with bad credit, baby! You can’t beat that,” she says.
Moms are always getting a bad rap for not being the responsible, pristine, well-mannered examples of the Cleaver era, but I suggest we are simply misunderstood. Take this mom, for example. Can’t we just give her credit for trying to join in on some fun with her kids at the park? Noooo. Someone had to go and ruin it by calling the cops and reporting a “drunk mom” (it was only 3 glasses of wine, people!) stuck in a swing. Crucify her. Bad mom. Shame. (Note to self: stick to the “big girl” swings next time).
Look, the rise of the “bad mom” is a myth itself. We’re simply speaking out about the insanity that lies in unrealistic expectations and finally finding humor to save what’s left of our sanity during the mom years. Moms cuss (the cool ones at least). Moms drink wine (or beer – not judging). Moms let clutter build up and laundry go untouched. If you have food to eat, dishes to eat on (paper plates totally count, people) and clean clothes somewhere (left in the dryer, stashed in the drawer of “I don’t really like them” piles – quit whining – they count as clean clothes) – then quit your bitching. “The other night, (my daughter) told me she was only going to eat half the Brussels sprouts I gave her, and I said fine. Fine?! To a halfsies-only vegetable negotiation?” Yes, Carolyn, the expectations really are that ludicrous.
Just remember, embracing the bad mom mentality is a load of fun and highly exhilarating, but keep it cool. You don’t want to bring too much attention to yourself. As Carolyn says: “Remember, you want to be bad, but not that bad. There are limits. Yes, you can escape for the weekend and smoke weed with your girlfriends at a music festival, but you can’t serve your kids pizza three days in a row unless you want them taken away from you.” Moderation is key, bad moms. No one likes CPS calls.
Momma Juice 
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